Overthinking

Finally done with exams. Ok that was actually one week ago, but ohwells it feels lik just yesterday. Cuz I’ve been slacking my life away and with that I mean that I haven’t been watching any dramas/variety shows nor have I been doing my project (which I should). I’ve just been sleeping, lying in bed n helping with the painting of our walls for a bit.

BUT! I’ve finally finished up the whole of 응답하라 1997/Reply 1997. YAY! Now there’s still 49 days left. Arghz.

Hoya with the doggie cuz both are so cute ^^

Reply 1997 is ooooohhhhhh so good. So nostalgic since the flashbacks were based in the 90s, although the flashing forward and back and forth was a tad bit confusing at parts that I had to rewind and also rely on the deconstructing of the drama on dramabeans. I liked that the whole drama isn’t too focused on the love part, as in the love between lovers kinda love, but instead encompasses all kinds of love like the love of parents for their children, sibling love etc. And it even adds a twist with a guy-guy possible pairing which most viewers totally wouldn’t mind either, cuz it was so sweeeeettt =) Love the focus on family for several parts of the drama, carn stop my tears, no T.T *cries into pillow* for other dramas I’ll bawl my eyes out simply because the lead is also crying and I find the other lead so stupid for not doing _____ but for this drama, I end up tearing at parts where the characters are far from crying, just simply sharing their life stories. Like even though it was obvious that the dad doesn’t succumb to cancer or anything like that (we have already seen him alive and kicking in 2012), when he was diagnosed and all back in the 90s, still couldn’t help it at parts. AND the whole drama was so short! 16 episodes which in total I think around 16 hours at most only since each episode except for the last two were around 30-45 minutes long kind. It’s a “sitcom” after all.

Ok for more serious stuff.

Exams. Really regret taking certain mods instead of others I could have taken this sem. In comparison, the past year exam papers seem much easier, but then they always do, until u’re like ½ weeks away from the exams and trying the paper for urself, and then when u’re facing the paper on the actual D-Day itself. But then again, carn do anything to change anything. Split milk. Can only wipe up the mess and buy a new carton. Or just stave off milk.

21 December 2012 – That’s in 9 days. Carn even have xmas?! But seriously, when I do say that I wish for the world to end, sometimes I mean it. Cuz human beings don’t seem deserving of this planet. We are at each other’s throats all the time. But then again, who could help it? This is what competition does and what natural selection does I guess. But at times, you witness, experience stuff that literally “restores faith in humanity” only for it to be destroyed again once you turn your head away =-= 

 

On another note, it’s actually just a whiny me wanting to shrink responsibility from making big decisions and making my transition into official adulthood. Which I am not ready for. At all. Wanna run away from that. Studying in school really seems much much easier. Realizing that I have known certain friends for like almost 10 years and counting now really makes me feel OLDDDDD though I know 5 years down the road, I’ll look back and think that I was foolish then (2012) when I still wasn’t THAT old and should have been enjoying every moment of my life. Haiz. Cuz that’s exactly what I am doing now. Reminiscing (acc to google this seems to be the correct spelling, im puzzled and confused too) the “me” 5-10 years ago (not too far off from what the Reply 1997 characters did) and thinking how I should have not worried about random stuff but instead focus on enjoying myself like I could at that young age. Tsk tsk.

Wanna do something exciting but I never have the guts to do so and I end up focusing on what I can, studies and studies. Now I am wondering where all that led me. And if I’m actually doing anything productive in my life that I would actually like and be proud of it when I look back. I do like some of the stuff I’m learning and doing at the moment but not ALL of it and I do get my kick out of scoring well but that’s about it. I do not feel strongly about stuff I do, learn etc. N I dun think that’s gonna help me for any interviews. And as much as I want to prove to all those interviewers that actually those that had acted the part well most probably cannot do the actual work well when the time calls for it, I most probably cannot even get myself past the interviewing stage to do that. Your grades will only get you that far, to the interviewing round. Then when you are unable to adapt and show the interviewers a side of you (fake or real aside) they desire in a future employee, you are out of the game. N that’s one of the reasons I hate adulthood, the job, the career you’re supposed to have for life. N all that for what? Money to survive in this world. Not to do what you really like. Cuz sometimes stuff you love doesn’t pay well or isn’t even enough to get you and your family through daily life. So what’s the use? It’s like we work for happiness (wealth, stability) but in the process, we also discard our own happiness (doing what we really desire). Ironic and frustrating. Then again, this is just old me whining “it’s not fair” when actually I could get off my butt to do something about it. But I’m just afraid. I like stability and I do like where I am right now, though I do get unhappy if I think about the past and all the “what ifs”. But if I had made other choices in my life, who knows, I might still be hating that choice and perhaps regretting it even more. I could have not studied when I was younger and most probably now I would have lesser career choices. For some things, more means better and this is one of the things. You can never have too many choices. Sure you can have one hell of a headache deciding but that kinda suffering is better than being limited and left with no choice. Right now, in an act of rebellion, I’m having thoughts of highlighting my hair in different colors. Crazy thoughts that once again, I do not dare to carry out in action when I start to overthink and consider all the consequences I could face – possible rejections from jobs etc.

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Maybe I should just stop thinking, and start doing, and living.