Overthinking

Finally done with exams. Ok that was actually one week ago, but ohwells it feels lik just yesterday. Cuz I’ve been slacking my life away and with that I mean that I haven’t been watching any dramas/variety shows nor have I been doing my project (which I should). I’ve just been sleeping, lying in bed n helping with the painting of our walls for a bit.

BUT! I’ve finally finished up the whole of 응답하라 1997/Reply 1997. YAY! Now there’s still 49 days left. Arghz.

Hoya with the doggie cuz both are so cute ^^

Reply 1997 is ooooohhhhhh so good. So nostalgic since the flashbacks were based in the 90s, although the flashing forward and back and forth was a tad bit confusing at parts that I had to rewind and also rely on the deconstructing of the drama on dramabeans. I liked that the whole drama isn’t too focused on the love part, as in the love between lovers kinda love, but instead encompasses all kinds of love like the love of parents for their children, sibling love etc. And it even adds a twist with a guy-guy possible pairing which most viewers totally wouldn’t mind either, cuz it was so sweeeeettt =) Love the focus on family for several parts of the drama, carn stop my tears, no T.T *cries into pillow* for other dramas I’ll bawl my eyes out simply because the lead is also crying and I find the other lead so stupid for not doing _____ but for this drama, I end up tearing at parts where the characters are far from crying, just simply sharing their life stories. Like even though it was obvious that the dad doesn’t succumb to cancer or anything like that (we have already seen him alive and kicking in 2012), when he was diagnosed and all back in the 90s, still couldn’t help it at parts. AND the whole drama was so short! 16 episodes which in total I think around 16 hours at most only since each episode except for the last two were around 30-45 minutes long kind. It’s a “sitcom” after all.

Ok for more serious stuff.

Exams. Really regret taking certain mods instead of others I could have taken this sem. In comparison, the past year exam papers seem much easier, but then they always do, until u’re like ½ weeks away from the exams and trying the paper for urself, and then when u’re facing the paper on the actual D-Day itself. But then again, carn do anything to change anything. Split milk. Can only wipe up the mess and buy a new carton. Or just stave off milk.

21 December 2012 – That’s in 9 days. Carn even have xmas?! But seriously, when I do say that I wish for the world to end, sometimes I mean it. Cuz human beings don’t seem deserving of this planet. We are at each other’s throats all the time. But then again, who could help it? This is what competition does and what natural selection does I guess. But at times, you witness, experience stuff that literally “restores faith in humanity” only for it to be destroyed again once you turn your head away =-= 

 

On another note, it’s actually just a whiny me wanting to shrink responsibility from making big decisions and making my transition into official adulthood. Which I am not ready for. At all. Wanna run away from that. Studying in school really seems much much easier. Realizing that I have known certain friends for like almost 10 years and counting now really makes me feel OLDDDDD though I know 5 years down the road, I’ll look back and think that I was foolish then (2012) when I still wasn’t THAT old and should have been enjoying every moment of my life. Haiz. Cuz that’s exactly what I am doing now. Reminiscing (acc to google this seems to be the correct spelling, im puzzled and confused too) the “me” 5-10 years ago (not too far off from what the Reply 1997 characters did) and thinking how I should have not worried about random stuff but instead focus on enjoying myself like I could at that young age. Tsk tsk.

Wanna do something exciting but I never have the guts to do so and I end up focusing on what I can, studies and studies. Now I am wondering where all that led me. And if I’m actually doing anything productive in my life that I would actually like and be proud of it when I look back. I do like some of the stuff I’m learning and doing at the moment but not ALL of it and I do get my kick out of scoring well but that’s about it. I do not feel strongly about stuff I do, learn etc. N I dun think that’s gonna help me for any interviews. And as much as I want to prove to all those interviewers that actually those that had acted the part well most probably cannot do the actual work well when the time calls for it, I most probably cannot even get myself past the interviewing stage to do that. Your grades will only get you that far, to the interviewing round. Then when you are unable to adapt and show the interviewers a side of you (fake or real aside) they desire in a future employee, you are out of the game. N that’s one of the reasons I hate adulthood, the job, the career you’re supposed to have for life. N all that for what? Money to survive in this world. Not to do what you really like. Cuz sometimes stuff you love doesn’t pay well or isn’t even enough to get you and your family through daily life. So what’s the use? It’s like we work for happiness (wealth, stability) but in the process, we also discard our own happiness (doing what we really desire). Ironic and frustrating. Then again, this is just old me whining “it’s not fair” when actually I could get off my butt to do something about it. But I’m just afraid. I like stability and I do like where I am right now, though I do get unhappy if I think about the past and all the “what ifs”. But if I had made other choices in my life, who knows, I might still be hating that choice and perhaps regretting it even more. I could have not studied when I was younger and most probably now I would have lesser career choices. For some things, more means better and this is one of the things. You can never have too many choices. Sure you can have one hell of a headache deciding but that kinda suffering is better than being limited and left with no choice. Right now, in an act of rebellion, I’m having thoughts of highlighting my hair in different colors. Crazy thoughts that once again, I do not dare to carry out in action when I start to overthink and consider all the consequences I could face – possible rejections from jobs etc.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maybe I should just stop thinking, and start doing, and living.

Busy........procrastinating

Almost a month since I last posted anything. Got a few drafts of posts about food places and very cui food pictures but not yet ready. I shall compile, one fine day, then publish as one uber long and overwhelming post.

School. But not exactly heavy workload. I can handle it. And I am slacking quite a bit throughout the week so I wouldn't say that I am stressed about tt. The sources of my stress now and then is 1) when I come to the realisation of all the stuff that I should have started on/done, 2) when I wake up from random loooooonnnnnggggg naps (maybe they shouldn't be called naps) and feel damn angry with myself thinking about the stuff I could have accomplished in that same amount of time, 3) when I experience (1) or (2) and end up using a "Since I've done it, I should just continue down the road of destruction and despair" philosophy with the rest of my day and at the end of it, feel even angrier with myself. =-= Really boils down to my procrastination.

While procrastinating (like now), I feel happy until I feel pangs of (1) then the regret kicks in and then (3) and I go back to my procrastinating state =( what is this?!

That was just a random video I took at Changi Airport Terminal 1. To make this post less dull.
Its an art installation called "Kinetic Rain". I couldn't help but wonder what the code written for this is like.

Watched 2 more episodes of '49 days' as I figured that that would at least make it more worthwhile then watching and rewatching youtube MVs. That has become a habit for this year. I go online thinking I need to do some research or check my email and go onto youtube as well just to enjoy some music while I work. But I always end up watching the MVs that I have watched before - procrastination level 100.

'49 days' is just getting better and better. Everytime that awesome song plays in the background, I cry a bucket of tears T.T because the plot is so heart-wrenching at that point in time and the soulful melody and sad lyrics just pushes me off the cliff into my own ocean of tears. Now at the end of episode 10, we are left hanging with Jihyun wanting to give up the remaining of her 49days (around 28 days left I think) because she sees no hope and then suddenly she "magically" obtains a pure tear from someone who 100% truly madly deeply loves her. The audience is made to think its Hankang since the scene right before was focused on him. But I'd like to think it was someone else, as Hankang is a super possible candidate for the 3 tears mission and I would like to see Jihyun clear those harder targets first so that the last days would be more of a breeze. Bitter before sweet. But then again, seeing how dense Jihyun is, I think she might not know how to make Hankang's tears appear >.< *slaps forehead*

Ok, there. I feel much better ranting to a computer about my own procrastination while doing the act itself. What a hypocrite. And I feel even much better gushing about '49 days' to my computer =D I need to get back to work. Soon, heh heh.

Chance Encounter: 微笑正仪

Went Harry Potter™: The Exhibition few days back and saw some Mediacorp filming!

Saw the filming of a scene for Poetic Justice 微笑正仪 with Dai Yang Tian 戴阳天 and Desmond Tan 陈泂江 in it.

Very simple scene - boy knocks into a lady, grandpa helps to say sorry on his behalf, lady totally outraged and start yelling then even pushing the grandpa, then the two young men appear to help, then lady raises hand to slap DYT but ends up slapping DT.

AND IT TOOK A FRIGGING HOUR. Actually even more, because when we noticed them, they were in the midst of filming, not setting the equipment up and stuff. Now I can fully appreciate the work all these crew go through just for a scene. They had to keep changing angles from which they film so as to give different POVs when the full thing comes out. And this is not even considering NGs made due to the director's dissatisfaction with the work the actors and actresses present. Hats off man. Like this is not even considering the fact that they would have to end up going back to the studio and edit and all that.

That day was a real eye-opener. To a different kinda world, a world that we have only viewed from our television sets. I wish I could have the chance to really get such a close up view of the workings of different kinds of job, just to decide what I wanna do with my life cuz I got no idea T.T I mean the stuff I am interested in, is either impossible or most probably will become boring soon enough and I will become disinterested. That would totally suck.

Pictures!

A small crowd forming...that soon dispersed for lunch haha

 

unglam shot! XD

crewman stuck babysitting curious little onlookers so they don't get into the scene

 

this is what they use as a "barricade" from the shooting

the little girls whose heads are visible are just onlookers - that's how close they got O.o

The stuff they don't teach you in school (which they should)

Smoking.

And I mean the "lying through your teeth but making the overall picture very rosy and sophisticated-sounding etc such that the party at the other end is lured in by your deception and finds it hard to doubt you" definition. Not the tobacco one. Apparently, this seems like a pretty good life skill to have, whichever point of life you are at now. I think this is especially good for job interviews in future. The thing about job interviews is that they basically cover the very surface of finding out what kind of a person you are. Some do have extended interview rounds where they ask you to solve a case etc but eventually, it's really those few minutes that matter in securing a job. I really do not think that it is fair. Nor do I think its accuracy in finding the right fit for the job is commendable. Ok, maybe I should rephrase. Not the right fit but people who are conscientious and actually doing their best for the company/project, and not slacking their time away. Sorry but I am highly against this kind of people because I have met my fair share of them. Anyway, back to the skill of smoking. Those who know how to smoke their way through daily life usually do well in interviews provided they stay calm and keep a clear head. They are able to guess what the interviewer is looking for and can come up with stuff that impress. In the end, they may get the job, but their work ethics really remain to be seen. This is for all cases, actually. Because like I said, it is hard to tell your personality from just talking or even doing a personality test =-= I mean, I can fake my results can't I? Unless you force me to take a truth serum (which wouldn't be legal), who knows if I'm lying (big or small lie to polish the image of me you would have)?

Day by day, I am realising how much this world is unfair and sucks. But then this is life. You win some, you lose some.

Looks ARE everything

Most the movies I have watched recently (or rather, pretty long ago since this post is long overdue) is about self-empowerment. First, 27 dresses teaches me not to be too helpful to anyone and learn to say NO and do things for yourself instead of always putting others first. Second, Lying to be perfect (the Cinderella Pact) teaches about confidence and like how looks don’t matter blah the usual thing when obviously looks do matter.

Would all those Youtube stars be that famous if on top of their humour and/or talents, they weren’t above average in terms of looks? And don’t even mention celebrities. We are all suckers for pretty faces, as much as we do not want to admit. But the last movie I watched – the vow – is based on a real-life story of how the wife forgets a part of her memory after an accident and her memory stops at a point before she met her husband, thus she is skeptical if the guy is her real husband as she changed quite a bit from the past etc. The ending is unexpected though. I expected the woman to miraculously remember everything after the efforts of her husband but end up actually she didn’t but was gradually turning back to the life she led before her accident and also gradually closer to her husband again. By the way, spoiler, they had a divorce O.o so they were like dating singles again.

Argh it has been way too long since I thought of putting up reviews of these three movies and now all I can think of are the above =-= ok erm, both 27 dresses and Lying to be perfect are pretty predictable but not horrible acting so still watch it when you wanna pass time and don’t want to use your brain too much. The vow…eh the chemistry wasn’t there. I think Rachel McAdams had better chemistry with Ryan Gosling in The Notebook, not with Channing Tatum. And there was an unnecessary scene where they showed his butt =-= I’m not interested at all. Repulsed actually. Overall, all three movies 3 out of 5.

Samsung Galaxy SIII TV spot

Am I the only one who found this commercial very funny?

1) it follows your every move.

this sounds uber creepy to me...

2) designed for humans

eh so we as humans should all purchase this phone. those who do not use this phone are not humans or do not know how to wield their humanly rights?

HAHA ok jokes aside, I think samsung is awesome. Miss my pixon. If only the screen wasn't shattered, I'll be using it. I take a while to get used to new phones and OS and stuff so don't feel like changing phones although the current sony ericsson sucks big time T.T always shut down when I want to take photos at the critical moments arghs. Think I might be able to get used to iPhone fast enough since I have an iTouch and the iOS is pretty user friendly...but iPhone is EVERYWHERE. *whines* bummer.

Laziness and some food for thought

Today I don't feel like doing anything~

NO. EVERYDAY I don't feel like doing anything. Ever since internship started. Arghz. Was fine for a while but the reading starts to get really boring and I don't feel like really starting on any actual stuff cuz it is different from my schedule. Yea im uber inflexible when it comes to certain stuff.

Anyway, lotsa movies to comment n review on (long past movies, though. all from dear old youtube. good thing they haven't been brought down yet. Amazing. Just watched an uber disturbing movie on friday night...hopefully I find the motivation n time to start writing a post on it), but just haven't gotten off my ass to do it, though technically I have to be on my ass to type it or my legs and back will be so sore afterwards.

Sidetrack, was emailing a friend an uber long post in response to our back and forth emails nowadays, came across this idea/thought whatever, it's totally true and this sheds a light on human psychology or should it be called sociology? I think it's both? Though I cannot be sure since I have never studied psych nor socio.

Why is it that ppl try their best not to cry in the movie theatres? I shed tears silently n I scratch my nose or adjust my specs at the important parts. I think almost everyone else does that. Its sorta like a social norm. Like everyone is thinking "eh if no one else is crying at this scene n I am touched to tears, won't i look like a lame, weak person?" and its cuz we ALL think that way, so we ALL don't show it when we are crying. If someone had the guts to bawl their eyes out and a few other people followed suit, the rest of the theatre would most probably do the same and the theatres would flood. Its the same with comedies. There have been studies done that show a higher probability of us laughing if watching in a theatre compared to watching comedies alone. The laughing or maybe simply just sniggering from others affects us, and we feel sorta obliged the same way we feel obliged not to cry out loud, or rather it makes us feel, hey it's a normal thing to laugh at this part, I can laugh out loud as much as I want! Plus laughing is contagious, that's another reason. But I think so is crying. Just that it's the tears themselves that are tear-inducing for me, so I have to see someone cry before I feel like crying myself. Sometimes if the character is convincing enough, I can cry with them. Otherwise the plot has to be really good. Or both.

But really, the main point is, this is really food for thought eh. We really obey social norms too much. And really, who the hell put these norms into place? We are responsible. Cuz we could change it. But only if a larger group of us had the guts to do something out of the ordinary that somehow it becomes the ordinary and the norm. It's like fashion and technology. Something bizarre comes and if it is somehow being assimilated well with all of us although it used to be a social "un-norm", it will soon evolve to be a norm. Humans are so susceptible to change and yet so hardy to it sometimes, stubborn like hell. The irony. Oh, and actually, come to think of it, the reason why not all "un-norms" get accepted is cuz sometimes it takes the right people and the right era at times. Like for fashion, I get the feeling that mostly its the already-famous designers that get away with awkward designs that are hailed as fashion breakthroughs while the noobies' works might be labelled as ludicrous. Only way to judge that is to bluff those self-acclaimed fashionistas blah to judge a piece of work w/o knowing who designed it. Of cuz, I don't know much about fashion so I shall shut up. About era, humans are susceptible to change but it takes time. The world 10 years back is very different from the world now, I guess partly because I have grown with the world and matured as well but also I think the values are different. And TV shows are getting more and more explicit and stuff that I don't understand why kids nowadays can watch certain stuff on TV that I don't even remember seeing when I was a kid. And also why kids nowadays know a lot more stuff beyond their years than my generation back then. So a ludicrous idea back in those days will really be labelled such but perhaps now, it would be considered by some as innovative.

Education

So for some reason I went to MOE's webbie, and saw this video



How many of us remember our primary one days? Given that I am frigging forgetful and my brain is really not working well in terms of its ROM space, no I don't. But I remember roughly the feelings associated with each stage of my education. There were both good and bad feelings of course, but as a human being, I tend to harp on the negative and churn it in my head and turn it into pessimistic thoughts. How delightful.

Anyways, point is the webbie is promoting stuff like "Teach Less, Learn More" but I don't really see it =-= and I recently read a column in Straits Times (i think, don't remember) where someone was replying and agreeing with what another person wrote in before. That person compared Singapore's education system as becoming similar to that of Korea's (of cuz I talking about SOUTH of the 38th parallel, if not?) where tuition out of class is becoming a critical part of education rather than an "accessory", an "add-on". Well I don't see where teaching less in school would help.

According to the webbie, "We will encourage our students to learn more actively and independently. We want to nurture a curiosity that goes beyond the formal curriculum, and a love for learning that stays with the student through life.". That is very ambitious. And given the competitive nature of our society, that is also hardly possible.

To get ahead in life, to get first, you gotta beat the rest first, and for most people that means that we have to study as hard as the rest (clocking a certain number of hours outside of school mugging, cut down on the telly, the net etc). And of course, as society dictates, we also have to take on tuition =-= and with everyone taking tuition, it starts to become a norm and then we have the current situation now. Everyone will attempt to take more tuition, pay more for better teachers just to get ahead. According to one of the two who wrote in to the paper (don't remember since that guy did reference the other), this isn't based on meritocracy, since richer parents can afford more or better tuition, their children stand to gain more. But really, sometimes the education doesn't matter, it's how willing the child is to work for him or herself. Ok, that aside, we will continue to be competitive, and if we don't, there will be comments saying that our society will soon become stagnant cuz no one wants to move upwards, yea yea wadeva. So, who the hell will care about a kid's curiosity and love for learning?? The main purpose of education seems to always be about the grades since that is after all the benchmark used. Yea they are trying to make us all into all-rounders by including civics and moral, PE, Napfa tests, etc but seriously...no one measures the amount of curiosity you possess and give you an A. For those lessons that "promote active participation", they sorta force even the quiet thinkers to open their mouths to ask some smart question just to get participation marks. Seriously?

I think that CCAs/ECAs are the ones that really add colour to our lives because it is there that we actually make friends, go through shit together and triumph at the end of the day. It just brings people that much closer. For the academic part, all I know is that I needed to score thus I needed to mug. I still get my satisfaction from finally understanding a certain topic etc but seriously, when I really really cannot understand, I stop doubting and take it as it is, no more questions asked. Sadly, that is the case even now. If you continue questioning and stay "curious" as to WHY the frigging hell an apple is called an apple (bad example), you will get nowhere in life. I can just see the day my kid asks me something that stumps me and I reply with a "because it is what it is". Not that the teachers give up on us, not many do, they still patiently explain stuff to me, but after a while I start to feel guilty about taking up too much of their time and make a self-note to just go back home and try figure it out again. I dare say that 90% of the time while multitasking (listening to kpop, replaying the moves in my head, and perhaps munching on something while thinking about that problem/question/query), I suddenly see the light and I'll be elated. But that 10% of the time I can only sigh and tell myself to move on, just commit that part to memory and I'll survive the exams. Actually, I think that perhaps memorising isn't such a bad thing. For me, I think I did mostly memorising up till JC? But somehow through the memorisations I managed to learn stuff, and also because I really repeatedly tried to memorise stuff (and also perhaps because I am interested), I still do remember some stuff like how carbohydrates is provides 16kJ of energy per gram, proteins 17kJ, fats 34kJ. Not sure about the units but I am pretty sure, around 99% that my figures are correct. Or perhaps although I thought I was doing memorising but actually I was UNDERSTANDING, THEN COMMITTING THEM TO MEMORY, just that I myself was oblivious to what I was doing. Only when I reached uni that I told myself sec sch and JC seemed more of memorising, I should try to LEARN instead and started ASKING questions when I didn't understand. Don't misunderstand, I am not a child prodigy who is so interested in knowing the history and the beginnings of science and such. I simply asked questions related to the notes, I didn't dig deeper and I often find the history stuff that teachers attempt to tell us to "interest" us and "invoke curiosity" in us extremely boring and useless for our studies (which is true. who the hell tests us on that? it really was not necessary for our learning). And perhaps the type of thinking we have adopted is actually the one that is stopping our society from progressing further despite competitiveness and whatnot. Because we fail to question, we accept these laws and theories. So we will not come up with new stuff to contradict and oppose the current stuff we learn. What if they are wrong??? The earth was considered flat for a while too until it was proven round. So how do we know gravity is what it is?

I might say a lot but I think like a lot of youngsters out there, or maybe just Singaporeans in general, I have opinions but I do not act on them. *shrugs* I don't even see how it will happen at all.

Another point:
From the webbie

"Desired Outcomes of Pre-school Education

At the end of pre-school education, children will:

• Know what is right and what is wrong
• Be willing to share and take turns with others
• Be able to relate to others
• Be curious and be able to explore
• Be able to listen and speak with understanding
• Be comfortable and happy with themselves
• Have developed physical co-ordination and healthy habits
• Love their family, friends, teachers and kindergarten

"

Yea right, I totally do not buy the fact that primary school kids are as cute and innocent as those in the video above. PLEASE. It was not even the case during my days when we had limited access to the internet and TV shows were still pretty clean. We are considered innocent. The kids now? Please.
And asking kids to be comfortable and happy with themselves? HOW? When they might already have been bullied in kindergarten thanks to other innocent angels. Self-esteem already lost at a young age. Bullying might not even be visible to the teacher at times so how do we even stop it. And bullying doesn't have to be physical. The emotional bullying is the worst. I really hate how the majority is always right and they are the ones who set the rules and how the teachers don't even notice. If I were a teacher, I would like build a child robot to spy amongst the students and really, I'll slap those bullies.

Pessimism and Death

Finally free from exams for a while but I think I'm gonna miss having them...suddenly with no deadlines and stuff, a bit duno wad to do. As in, I still wanna watch my movies and dramas and read my ebooks but, without the exams or studying factor making these activities like forbidden fruit (oh so tasty), they sorta lose their attractiveness...

Anyway, so today I planned to watch a free movies but ended up only watching one. Cuz I was clearing my studies stuff n compartmentalising them n also saving all the soft copies n throwing them into an email account. And after I was done with that I checked my emails and stuff and end up went to yahoo site where they ran an article on a 5 months (turning 6 months) old baby who has lost the battle with spinal muscular atrophy or SMA, just a few days back. There was a link to the blog that her dad set up and made posts from Avery's (the little baby girl) POV. It was the sweetest thing ever, seriously.

link: http://averycan.blogspot.com/2012/05/avery-lynn-canahuati-111111-043012.html

There aren't many posts since the dad only started in April this year but I've not gone through every post yet, reading through just I think 4 or 5 posts and I was crying like mad. Like seriously. Cuz I really found the fact that her parents are going on strong and putting up such optimistic posts and pictures to chronicle the days of her life and thinking more of LIFE rather then death extremely sweet n inspiring. There, I typed another run-on sentence. I was really awed by their courage to face this head-on and embracing it, cuz I don't know if I could do the same if I were in their shoes.

Ok, so the dad set up the blog to educate people and spread the word about SMA. From the info they put up in their first post and my little memory of biology few years back, SMA seems to be carried as a recessive allele in our genes. So basically we take one allele from each of our parents, making two alleles that will make up our gene. That's roughly what I remember anyway. But that's not the main thing. Main thing is, diseases sometimes may not be passed on from parent to child but the child may become a carrier of the disease him/herself. Ok I think I'm not gonna explain this well so lemme try to use As and as. There are two types of alleles, 'A' and 'a'. 'a' is the recessive allele. So a person with AA, Aa, aA (basically the same as Aa) will all not have that disease, while only a person with 'aa' will have it. The recessive trait only shows when both alleles are of the recessive type. Since we get an allele each from our parents, we could end up with 'Aa'/'aA' and be a CARRIER of the disease i.e. although it doesn't manifest in us, it could very well end up in our children. If both parents are carriers as in the case of Avery's parents, the probability of having a child with SMA is 25%, or 1 in 4 children.

Ok end of bio lesson. So why educate the public? According to them, the gynae doesn't do checks for SMA gene carriers when doing genetic testing, so they are trying to get more people to ask for that. Simple law of economics, if there is a demand, there will be a supply. At the same time, the blog offers us a few choices to help support research in SMA if we have the means. And really, it's our choice. I ended up spending more time reading the comments under one of the posts rather than the post itself cuz as heartwarming as most of the encouraging comments were, there were still a few by skeptics who were questioning the charity or organisation that the blog advocates, when actually it is really just about our own personal choice (like a fellow reader pointed out). Have some control and chill, people. Personally, I do not know anything abt gynaes n genetic testing and whatnot cuz im not in that phase of life or age yet. And neither are my friends. But I guess I could share the story next time so that as it spreads to other people, more will learn about the disease, whether it concerns them or not.

As Avery's dad likes to add (totally awesome n tear worthy):

"Whatever I bring to life, because I don't have time to sit back and wait for life to bring anything to me."

After wiping all my tears and I thought I've dehydrated, I decided to start on the movies that I saved (sidetrack: youtube actl has FULL movies!!! just that we have to be quick to watch or the copyright holders will complain and it will be removed) back during my study period and I was procrastinating and reading movie synopses to decide which movie link to save. Here is my haul~ for anyone interested in "free online movies" as ur google search would be, u can try typing the title into youtube search bar, the names should appear if not removed. There were a whole lot more but some I have watched before and some I have no interest in. I have read most of these movies' synopses and liked them thus saved them.

Can tell that I have searched for other random stuff during exams eh hahaha the dancing rhythm n all that was for my dance module cuz I suck big time. Anyway, after thinking for a while, decided to settle with Hello Ghost, because it was the first movie I found during this sem, halfway through exams I think. But the vid was removed by the time i re-checked during exams so I found another new subbed link =D thought would be better to watch before this got removed too.

And coincidentally, this movie was about death too. I mean sorta linked. The recurring theme was actually family. I remember reading reviews saying it's tear-wrenching etc etc but was surprised that my eyes were pretty dry except from laughing hard at some parts...then like the last 10 minutes or so? Damn the waterworks started T.T this movie is so good that I don't even want to provide spoilers like I usually like to do. Cuz I think everyone should watch it!!! The twist comes at the most unlikely part and it took me a few seconds to register and then woah, im crying. N it was really unexpected, for me at least, even after reading the synopsis cuz either I don't remember the details or the synopsis I read long ago was really just that, a synopsis and not a spoiler. Worse thing is, my parents were readying for bed, not IN BED yet so I was trying so hard to keep it in and let the tears flow ever so silently and wiping them off surreptitiously. Once they were in their rooms and the door shut, I started sniffing so loud cuz my nose was really blocked by then.

And these two separate events (do I call them events?) made me really wonder about life and how I'm always complaining or like wondering all those "what ifs", n how the grass is super green n lush on the other side, when there are actually so many things I should be grateful for. First, being alive. Second, having a complete family that actually cares for and loves me. Third, having en education. and the list goes on. N then we are to think, there are actually plenty of people who are worse off than us in many ways. Not saying that we should build on other people's despair, but each and every one of us have something that is better or worse off than others. There is really no "perfect" in this world. Cuz we as humans never seem to be satisfied. We want bigger, better, faster, all the "er" just to trying being the "est" in the world. Impossible. I remember chatting with my mum regarding this impossibility just a few days back. It was really one of those random philosophical chats I've been having with her over lunch n at random times when I'm sick of sitting there mugging. My theory is that the only way we can ever achieve "perfectness" is when we embrace and accept who we are and the situation we are in. No longer longing for something that someone else has, thinking its better, only for you to think that actually that isn't good enough when you yourself are in that position. We always aim higher and higher but for what. Doesn't really gives us happiness eh. But that's the whole point of being human I guess, we are imperfect and thus we have these thoughts that render our lives imperfect for us too. Like for me, I don't think I can ever deny myself of the fact that I really do things to gain satisfaction and thus with no satisfaction, I no longer find the value in that thing. Satisfaction=motivation for me. The wondrous nature of humans. Tsk.

Liberation

Only done with half of my exams but I feel so liberated
ah~ haha actually I have begun to feel that way since last weekend with 2 papers already done on the first day woots!

Anyways, when I feel liberated, I start to procrastinate. But I'd like to think that some of the "procrastination" that I do and used to do weren't procrastinating stuff after all! I even think that they are educational, like those nail-art videos! I tried the tuxedo nails =D and it works! just not as nice of course haha but it's a good start! The first photo is my right hand, done using LEFT hand of course, so I think it's good enough though it's pretty obvious that the lines aren't straight, but eh, I wasn't using a striper ya know...AND I did it while skyping my friend till the wee hours, erm 4am? I was just done with a quiz that day and it felt liberating to do this kinda "procrastination-like" stuff *shrugs* haha. The 2nd photo is of my left hand, I found two tuxedos too much (plus the white bowtie doesn't look as nice) so I reduced it and just made the rest of my fingernails solid colours (and still it's not tidy enough for the perfectionist inside of me. I really applaud "cutepolish" for succeeding in doing all (or was it 4 only) her nails ZOMG seriously.

And just now, after waking up from my nap and eating my dinner, I began my journey of learning new stuff again =) I realise one of the good things about just surfing the net looking through these "shallow" stuff like nailart, makeup, or basically anything to do with outer appearances, is that they do help me learn new technical terms! ^^ Previously, I learnt dotter and striper from my nailart videos. Today, I learnt gilet, rat tail comb and tease. It might not seem like much to know these since it seems more important to learn my laws and equations and whatnot right now, but I guess I really do need a real hobby, something that I can hone my skills in, so these seem to be a good direction to go right now, compared to watching kpop mvs and all that.

Come to think of it, I do have some stuff I could hone my skills in - my korean and kpop dancing (?). My korean will grow rusty over time...and there's no more modules for korean left for me to take in school T.T I don't really wanna take lessons outside cuz I don't think they come cheap, and it's also harder for me to keep motivated to learn since there isn't any tangible results (in school I get to see nice As and A-s ^^). As for dancing, haha, I'm a person with two left feet, and hand and leg coordination sucks, so does my sense of rhythm (and maybe that's why I find more comfort in kpop dances because you can dance along to the lyrics, you don't really have to catch the beat). The magic with kpop dances is that certain people are fitted for certain moves (for amateurs I mean, for the kpop stars, obvs their training is more intense and also their choreographers know who dances which part best and arranges them to be in the middle when dancing that part etc etc). So as a noob, you may be able to do a certain move to a T, but totally suck and fail at getting that feel for another move. Sadded.

Ok finally main point, the new stuff I stumbled upon just now! Actually it's new youtube channels. I'm just noting them all down here cuz I don't really want to subscribe (I don't even check the email linked to my YT acct) and since this blog serves as a diary and notetaking device (physical ones get lost or become full or yellowed urgh).
Was gonna watch SISTAR's "Alone" to get it out of my head but ended up finding a cover that I think did a nice job (I would have sucked badly). From one of the comments I saw, I think she's from HK!



Then as usual, thanks to the power of the Internet and TABS (the most wonderful thing that came with the net), I linked from here to there here to there to YT user "SecretLifeOfaBioNerd" where I realise she has ALOT of DIY videos, from clothes to makeup to hair stuff!!! haha now I have something to look forward to during the holidays, apart from internship (bleh)~