The secret of victory is learning how to use pain and pleasure

my relatives just left my hse ytd to go stay with another uncle. they've been staying for abt a week liddat and i feel terrible and sorry. i neglect them too much, but at the same time, i duno how to "entertain" them. so i stick to my com and pretend to have stuff to do when i noe im just wasting electricity. n i have difficulty going out cuz my parents wun be home ard late aftnn to evening and i have to be at home shld they nid anything though they already noe where to find stuff to eat and all that. but at hm i oso just sit at the com and rot away not doing anything cuz i still have to keep an eye out for the uncle whether he's wanting to go walk walk along the corridor or wad so i carn really concentrate either. and sometimes the auntie comes to look at wad im doing which is actually nth most of the time but i still feel an invasion of privacy then i start to get secretly pissed. i oso wan to talk it out with them wad they wanna do and all that for each day but i duno i just din. and its weird too. arghz anyway i feel like a loser and a total idiot. n somemore u carn be more understanding and try to work things out? n theres another disgusting person. stop picking fights for nth at all and stop thinking ure so smart. just shut up. and try not to talk so loud. gosh i must have the genes of talking super loud haha. i oso wan to bring them ard singapore and go sight-seeing. but waliew they ownselves have diff views too some which i agree and some i disagree with. stop being so obstinate in getting what u wan. n dun pose. please. im obvs sai gang in taking care of them. useless but then agn useful for some stuff. which doesnt make mi feel extremely wonderful u noe.

i wanted to do so much aft i quit my job man...but now like totally sian-ed diao. suddenly it seems like the holidays were too short..gotta keep tight reins on my time management frm now on. stop procrastinating!!! everyone wants independence hor. i oso wan. even the uncle oso wan...haha he's pushing himself sometimes and thats not good for health but i guess as u grow older the sense of independence has changed and now ure trying to prove that ure still alive and kicking. for mi, i just wan to learn and soak up as much as i can abt life as a form of independence. but now im totally sianed =.= no motivation liaoz liddat...ohmien i dunwan my life to be so dull!!! eeks!

ohya and it was finally two weeks on sunday (12 july) that i pierced my ear. so that night, i decided to remove it and replace it. wakao super damn hard to remove!!! put alcohol oso no use. i dab water oso. and it hurt a bit tot my ear hole was tearing omg. and its like loose already and i can tell that the behind that piece is coming out soon with it shaking abit so i tried to like try in intervals mebe my ear wld hurt less...haiz then i only tried on my left ear. heng cuz my right ear hurts a bit more so i decided ok shall leave that alone first. wan to destroy oso destroy one ear only =.= in the end, by bedtime (which is super late btw, these few days), ahh! haven come out yet!! kanasai~ then now i was scared while slping will drop out or rather it'll slip out and then the sharp thingy will poke my neck and ill die in my sleep bleeding to death. keep bleeding keep keep bleeding love~ =.= ok kua zhang. haha but heng nth happened and obvs it din. even when i use force oso nth dun tell mi now slp i can actually take it out...then next day (mon) while bathing, i decided to wriggle the thing abit first so as to prepare it for the battle im gonna have agn aft bathing. then pok! yes thats the sound i heard. it came out...just like that. needed to use a bit of strength but much less than wad i was doing when it was dry. waliew...i was stunned staring at the two parts SEPARATED in my hands (it din even slip and fall into toilet bowl or wad) for a few seconds and WAHAHAHAHA super happie! tried the other ear. oh shit. cldnt take out with the same strength. tried with different hands. hmm ok cannot ah...try agn. then abt third or fourth try YAY! it came out haha super happy. washed the earrings with soap and left to dry then tried to clean my earholes as well though carn really see if clean or not. then i see the earring aft bathing. wakao...got like how to describe. two ridges liddat to ding zu the two tgt. i tried to put them back then remove agn and omg. even when its not on my ear its super difficult. no wonder la~ but good in a sense that it means the earring is super secure...wun drop out unknowingly then ur hole will close =.= then i compare with other earrings and eh? its much thicker than the other earrings leh! wah...liddat means my earhole is gonna becum smaller now aft it heals around the new earring then next time wan to put back this tight earring (which i doubt) then will nid to SQUEEZE it in. frm 77th street de...are all FIRST earrings supposed to be liddat?

"The secret of victory is learning how to use pain and pleasure" - saw this saying on the calendar on one of the docs' table. nice..haha though i dun quite get it. haha yea now im halfway between pain and pleasure and pissedness at the world. so mebe i can turn the situation ard and be victorious! woots haha!

i hate people in the world. what are they thinking of when they do the things they do? esp countries' leaders and all...and this song rocks! just heard it on my windows media player.

Lenka - The show
I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why

Slow it down
Make it stop
Or else my heart is going to pop'
Cause it's too much
Yeah, it's a lot
To be something I'm not

I'm a fool
Out of love
'Cause I just can't get enough

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show

The sun is hot
In the sky
Just like a giant spotlight
The people follow the sign
And synchronize in time
It's a joke
Nobody knows
They've got a ticket to that show
Yeah

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I dont know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show

Just enjoy the show

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I dont know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it outIt's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show

dum de dum
dudum de dum

Just enjoy the show

dum de dum
dudum de dum

Just enjoy the show

I want my money back
I want my money back
I want my money back
Just enjoy the show

I want my money back
I want my money back
I want my money back
Just enjoy the show



i love the tomatoes at 1:30